How Parents Can Guide Their Child to Channel Intensity in Sports
You’re watching your kid play, and they are visibly frustrated about their team’s performance thus far. But you also observe that your athlete is now running faster than usual, taking more risks, communicating with their teammates more frequently, and playing with less hesitancy in general.
If only they played like this all the time.
How do you teach them to continuously tap into these heavy emotions during play? The key is to let them figure out the power of emotions themselves, but it’s up to you to start the conversation.
Ask Them How They Felt
Most adults don’t have a high understanding of their own emotions, so it’s unfair to expect children to have a high emotional intelligence. To be philosophical: the path to understanding one’s emotions start with a conversation to give them a chance to be reflective.
The trick is to ask them direct questions about their emotions without guiding them (too much) towards an answer. Something like, “You looked pretty frustrated out there. How did you feel?”
By posing this specific question, you’re giving your athlete the opportunity to stop and think about how they felt a moment ago. When they really reflect on how they felt, they’ll connect the emotion to everything going on around them – truly be aware of how they felt and why.
That awareness leads to an increasing emotional intelligence – meaning your kid will be more in control of their emotions rather than being controlled by them.
Let Them See What Helps and What Doesn’t
Progress on this is never in a straight line though – it’s always two steps forward, one step back. But when they are consistently aware of their emotions, they can start to see which ones help them and which ones hurt them.
It’s important to continue having the conversation with them. ‘Everyone looked pretty pissed at each other after that missed shot. How did that feel to you?’ Or, ‘You seemed pretty pumped up after halftime. What changed?’
Give them a chance to elaborate in their answer before trying to connect the dots for them. They’ll begin to realize what emotions drain their energy and which ones fuel them (and it’s different for each person).
When they learn how their emotions affect their own play – both positively and negatively – they will have learned a crucial lesson about how to approach each match from a mental standpoint.
Learn Emotional Regulation Through Mentorship
Over the course of our careers in Europe, Mexico, the US and with the USMNT, we’ve seen time and again the difference between players who can manage their emotions and those who can’t. In the end, it’s a key skill that separates the good players from the great ones. A player’s inability to manage their emotions has also ended many players’ careers when they had the talent to go far. It’s also a big reason we started Beyond Goals Mentoring.
We help athletes meet the physical and mental requirements for high-level sports so they can move up to their next level. If you want your athlete to grow their mental side of the game so every game is their best, let’s set up a mentoring session today.
