How to Handle Getting Benched (or Not Making a Game Roster)

When you work hard outside of practice, getting the reps and working on your game in the unseen hours, it’s unbelievably disheartening to learn that despite all of your hard work, you won’t be getting many minutes – if any at all – in your team’s next match. This tends to trigger a crushing wave of anger, disappointment, and confusion. These emotions are normal, but they don’t have to govern your entire response to this extremely common setback.

There’s a certain approach to getting benched that turns it into an experience you can grow from, one that brings you even closer to your long-term goal than you were before. Here’s how to do just that:

Don’t Try to Change the Coach’s Mind

For hard-working players, getting benched is a complete surprise. Your gut reaction is to demand an explanation, and it better be a good one, because you don’t believe you’ve done anything wrong.  

In fact, it’s also natural to suspect that your coach has simply had a lapse in judgment. Maybe they just need to be reminded of how hard you work, and they’ll realize they’ve made a mistake.  

But, just as you can’t change a ref’s mind on a call they just made, trying to change your coach’s mind is likely just going convince them that they made the right choice. Start by accepting their decision – but this doesn’t mean you have to be happy about it.

Take Time to Process Your Emotions

Accepting your coach’s decision is tough, but when you do, your recovery process officially begins. There’s a lot of emotions flowing through you, and the most effective way to recover is to acknowledge these emotions and just feel them. It might take some time for you to feel like yourself again, and that’s perfectly fine.

The last thing you want to do is contact your coach when you’re still furious. Even if the coach gives you an answer, you’ll likely be too angry to actually internalize what they’re saying.

Reach Out to Your Coach from a Peaceful Stance 

When you’re feeling more like yourself, reach out to your coach and ask them what you need to work on to earn a spot in the starting lineup or on the gameday roster. This demonstrates coachability in you – something every coach is looking for in players.  

While it’s never fun to be on the outside looking in, feeling that pressure to perform in each training is necessary to get to your next level, whether that’s getting to the top team at your club, getting to play in college, or signing a pro contract. Getting that feedback from your coach means you’ll know exactly what they expect of you, and you have the ability to do what they want. And, in addition to that, you’ll establish a more meaningful relationship with your coach.  

When you take the initiative to show that you want to be coached, your coach is more likely to share helpful advice with you on a more consistent basis. Your coach also now knows that you can take criticism without getting overly emotional, and doesn’t have to worry about how you’ll react to your next challenge.

Setbacks Hurt, But They’re Inevitable

At Beyond Goals Mentoring, we know that staying focused when adversity strikes is not easy. But it’s one of the most important skills an athlete can possess. The sooner you learn how to manage your emotions after a setback, the more prepared you’ll be for the other inevitable challenges lying ahead.

So, if your athlete is having trouble recovering from a recent setback, let’s set up a mentoring session today.