How to Be a Supportive Parent When Your Child Struggles with Intense Emotions During Competition

Soccer is full of the highest highs and the lowest lows. The heavy emotions that come with those swings are a consistent presence in a high-level athlete’s life. Add being a teenager to the mix and you have a combustible situation.  

As a parent, it’s extremely difficult to just stand by and watch your child experience these heavy emotions. It’s natural to want to jump in and help them solve it after they hit a low…but that is often not what they need.  Here’s the best way to be a supportive parent when your athlete is struggling emotionally:

Acknowledge Their Emotions

No parent wants their child to feel angry, anxious, stressed or depressed. However, the last thing you want to do is attempt to make these emotions “go away.” As  pros that have gone through these ups and downs more times than we’d like to admit, we both learned very early in our soccer careers that dismissing or repressing emotions is not conducive to your recovery. In fact, it has the complete opposite effect.

So, step one for supporting your athlete is acknowledging their emotions with them, as opposed to pretending they’re not there, or acting like “it’s going to be ok.”  

Whether they admit it or not, downplaying how their feeling is going to – at best – make them feel unheard and at worst think that their emotions are ‘wrong.’ But if you acknowledge how they’re feeling they can name it and claim it – the first essential step for a player to manage their emotions.

Overcoming Overwhelming Emotions

Once you’ve crossed that first part – acknowledging their emotions – the next step is figure out what you have to do to not feel that way anymore. The fact is

these overwhelming emotions are natural, recurring parts of your journey, and it’s a journey you chose.

Each athlete is different, and how to have that conversation – on what you have to do to not feel that way anymore – needs to be tailored to them. In general, it’s good to use open ended questions and listen without offering advice unless they ask for it.

Give Your Athlete Someone Else to Talk to

As parents, we fully understand how hard it is to get our kids to listen to us. They always think we don’t understand what they’re going through (we did the same to our parents), and our role as parents is always tenuous on emotional struggles.

This is why more and more athletes are pursuing mentorship or mindset coaching to deal with the demands of high-level competition. Young athletes are more inclined to open up about their emotions with mentors outside the family because this person has lived the journey of a high-level athlete and knows exactly what they’re going through. When the mentor gives them advice, they know it’s based on firsthand experience from a similar situation.

Let a Mentor Handle the Tough Conversations

Another massive benefit of mentorship is that it helps you preserve your relationship with your child. When parents try to talk to athletes about a recent setback, it can easily result in an argument.

Mentorship spares parents from these unnecessary arguments by creating a reliable outlet for an athlete’s emotions. A mentor is ready for your athlete’s anger, anxiety, and negative attitude. They are specifically trained to help athletes calm down, vocalize what they’re feeling, and then recover at their own speed. How do mentors know their techniques work? Because they worked for them, when they were feeling the exact same things.

Managing Emotions is Tough Because It’s Important 

Speaking as former professional players, we can attest that the ability to manage emotions is one of the most important skills an athlete can possess. Being mentally resilient is often the difference between a good player and a great player.

That fact – learning mental resilience is what separates good from great players – is what inspired us to start Beyond Goals Mentoring. We’ll be there when your athlete needs someone to talk to, even just to listen. With the right mindset, your athlete can learn to manage the heavy emotions and not let it affect them.

So, if your athlete could use a boost managing the mental component of high-level sports, let’s set up a mentoring session today.