How to Help Your Child Handle Referee Decisions and Game Disputes

One of our favorite quotes is ‘Soccer is a game of mistakes.’ Now, why would that not include refereeing mistakes? 

We get it: refereeing decisions can be one of the most frustrating aspects of sports. It can easily distract you and give the other team a quick chance to score a goal and change the dynamic of the game.  

For young soccer players, a questionable call from a referee isn’t just infuriating, it’s confusing. “But I didn’t touch the ball?!?”, a player might think to themself. Another common reaction might be, “Why am I getting a card for doing this, when this other player did the exact the same thing and nothing happened?”.

It’s only natural for a young athlete to react this way, but a questionable call doesn’t have to throw you off your game and inhibit your performance.

As a parent, here are some pointers for helping your athlete deal with referee disputes so they can quickly recover and stay focused afterwards:

Tell Them What the Ref Says is All That Matters

Whether you like or not, whether the call is right or not, the call the referee makes is all that matters in the end. It’s only offside if the ref says it was; if they missed the offsides and the other team scored, the goal isn’t worth any less. If the referee didn’t say you were fouled, well, you weren’t fouled.

It’s important for athletes to accept the referee’s word as the sole source of truth on the field. This mentality prevents them from thinking about what they feel should be happening, instead of what the referee said. You might be almost 100% sure the referee is making the wrong decision, but once the referee makes their decision, they are right and that’s that. Your interpretation of what happened is no longer relevant.  

Understand That Referees Are Only Human  

While it may feel like they are not, referees are human beings, and we’d be lying if we said they only make unbiased, completely objective decisions. Certain referees may be more prone to making certain calls – like a strong shoulder to shoulder hit is a foul – than others.

When you accept the referee’s decision as the truth - instead of thinking about what “should” have happened - you can pick up on their individual tendencies, such as which types of fouls they’re more or less inclined to call.

Adapt Their Playing Style to the Referee’s Tendencies

Picking up on your referee’s biases or tendencies allows you to adapt your playing style accordingly. Instead of being caught off-guard by the referee’s decisions, you’ll anticipate them and use them to your advantage.  

“But I shouldn’t have to ‘adapt’ to any referee!”, you might be thinking. Then again, soccer players are constantly adapting to all sorts of unforeseen obstacles on the field, like the other team’s tactics, the weather, the crowd, etc. The referee is just another new aspect you have to adapt to. If you can adapt your playing style to all these other things, you can learn how to play in a way that makes the referee’s tendencies work in your favor.

Complaining to the Referee is Rarely a Good Idea

Though professionals do it all the time, the last thing you want to do is yell or complain after a referee makes an unfavorable decision against you or your team. It depends on the situation of course, but  we can tell you from our experience that this behavior usually just makes the referee more inclined to call fouls against you. Letting your coach talk to the ref is usually better.

At Beyond Goals Mentoring, we know hard it is to stay focused after setbacks on and off the field. But learning to handle setbacks is one of the most important skills an athlete can possess. That’s why we’re dedicated to helping athletes develop the mental tools to control their emotions in high-pressure situations, just like the iconic athletes they admire.

So, if your athlete could use some help with the mental component of high-level sports, let’s set up a mentoring session today.