How to Handle Difficult Conversations with Your Coach: Navigating Feedback and Criticism
When you have high goals in soccer – to play college soccer or to go pro – the last thing you want to hear from your coach is, you’re not going to start in next week’s game, or you haven’t been selected to participate in that upcoming college showcase.
This is disappointing news for sure, but it doesn’t have to derail your soccer journey. In fact, it could be the best thing that ever happens to you.
Here’s how to navigate harsh feedback from your coach, beginning with the initial conversation:
Acknowledge and Process Your Emotions
When your coach shares disappointing news with you, it’s only natural to become emotional. You might feel so sad or angry that you can’t even hear everything your coach is saying. And that’s perfectly normal.
Rather than arguing with the coach or asking for an explanation right after hearing the news, take some time to process your emotions. What you don’t want to do is pretend these emotions don’t exist. Denying heavy emotions allows them to linger for longer periods and overshadow everything else.
Recovery is only possible when you first acknowledge your emotions. If you’re sad and angry, let yourself be sad and angry. It might take a couple of days (or even a little longer), but the physical toll of your emotions will eventually subside.
Ask Your Coach for an Honest Explanation
Once you start to feel like yourself again, you’re ready to talk to your coach and ask them why you’re not starting or participating in that upcoming showcase. Is there a certain area of your game that needs significant improvement? Is there something else?
Since you’re not as overwhelmed by your emotions, you will actually be able to process your coach’s explanation. This is your chance to better understand the criteria for a truly exceptional player, and what’s specifically stopping you from reaching this level right now.
No one likes to hear about their weaknesses, but this is extremely valuable information. Now, you know exactly what to focus on in training. You’ll probably find yourself training harder than ever now that you have specific short-term goals in mind. For many young athletes, learning about their weaknesses is what it takes for them to start training with a purpose, rather than just training hard.
Accept Your Coach’s Criticism
No soccer player is immune to adversity. Yes, even your teammate who gets to start in your position. If you didn’t get this disappointing news from your coach now, some other form of adversity would inevitably present itself later on. It’s just the way life works.
Adversity is so common in sports that the ability to overcome it is one of the most important skills an athlete can possess. The sooner you acquire this crucial skill, the more prepared you are for a long and successful career.
By accepting your coach’s criticism and making the necessary improvements, you won’t just become a more complete athlete. You’ll show your coach - and yourself - that you’re capable of overcoming adversity and processing your emotions like a professional. That’s a pretty big leap in a player’s development, and it won’t go unnoticed, whether it’s by your current coach or your next one.
Athletes Need Someone to Talk to When Adversity Strikes
At Beyond Goals Mentoring, we know that the lows of youth soccer can be just as extreme as the highs, and young athletes aren’t always prepared for it. That’s why we’re dedicated to helping them develop the mental tools to stay focused in the face of the adversity and keep their long-term goals within reach. A former pros, we’ve found that athletes have an easier time opening up and sharing their struggles with people who went through exactly what they’re going through, and we certainly faced our fair share of adversity in our careers.
If your athlete could use some help with the emotional element of sports, let’s set up a mentoring session today.
