Stop Comparing Your Kid to Other Players on the Pitch

It’s natural and every parent does it. They see the hard work their children put in to reach their goals, the toll it takes on their personal life, and they want to see how their kids measure up to their peers.

When you see your child working so hard, it can be puzzling to find out they aren’t being rewarded in the ways you had in mind. Instead, it’s another player on their team who’s being promoted to the next level. It’s another player on the team who’s getting all the attention from top college programs.

From a parent’s perspective, it seems like this other child is on the “right” path, and their own child isn’t “where they should be” at this time in their lives.  

Though it’s undoubtedly frustrating to watch other children get the opportunities you feel your child deserves, comparing their path to someone else’s is not conducive to their success. In fact, it can even make them want to stop playing soccer altogether.

Here’s why:

There is No One Path to Success

As former pros, we both learned very early in our careers that there is no single, correct path towards success. It seemed like every one of our teammates came from a different path. Some weren’t on top youth teams, others didn’t get recruited to DI programs, and others had to plod along on lower division teams for years before getting a chance at a top professional club.  

We also learned that every player experiences some form of adversity in their careers. Whether it’s an injury, getting cut from the team, or being overshadowed by another player in your position, no one has it easy. Yes, even the players who get recruited to the top clubs in their region, and get all the attention from coaches and scouts. Trust us: If you really knew what was going on in their lives, you would find plenty of adversity.  

The point is, your athlete doesn’t have to follow a specific path in order to reach their long-term goals. And if their path seems rife with adversity – like getting passed over for opportunities – realize that the adversity is not an obstacle in their path, but a part of their path.

Every Athlete’s Journey is Unique  

Viewing another athlete’s path as the “right” path suggests that your athlete is consequently on the “wrong” path. In reality, they are on their path that happens to be different than someone else on their team. It may seem like their odds of reaching their goals have decreased, but this isn’t actually the case. It just means their path towards their goals might be different than what was initially envisioned.

Every athlete’s journey is unique. The idea of a “smooth” trajectory is essentially a myth, because no athlete is immune to adversity. If anything, the bumpy rollercoaster is the norm.  The higher your athlete’s goals, the more adversity they will inevitably face.

What Parents Should Do Instead 

If you react with disappointment every time your athlete’s path strays from your initial expectations, let’s just say you’re going to be bringing a lot of negativity into your athlete’s life. Would you want to continue playing a sport that brings a lot of negativity into your home?

While you want to display a positive attitude amid all these twists and turns, you need to acknowledge your kid’s feelings – if they are down about their situation, being upbeat is going to make them feel unheard. Recognize their reality, but encourage your athlete to view these twists and turns as normal, natural parts of their journeys, as opposed to signs of failure. As long as your athlete continues to elevate their game - regardless of what level they currently play at - their long-term goals will remain within reach.  

At Beyond Goals Mentoring, we know it’s not easy to stay motivated when your soccer journey isn’t going as planned. That’s why we’re dedicated to helping young athletes develop the mental tools to continue pushing forward when adversity strikes. Harnessing our experience as former pros, we teach our mentees to embrace adversity as opportunities to evolve, something every athlete has to do to achieve their goals.

So, if your athlete is struggling mentally from a recent setback, let’s set up a mentoring session today.